Friday, February 29, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
just thought i'd share how exhausted i am
i left the work, cause it's not compatible with a class i need to take this semester. today was the last day. i'm relieved and emotionally unstable.. i feel psychically contaminated, or at least that's what I think it is. it happens everytime i'm in contact with large groups of people for a long time. i suck all the bad vibes i guess. bad thoughts keep coming to my mind making me feel bad and i can't seem to fight them off. a salt bath is supposed to help.
this happens when i'm tired too. i keep thinking people don't like me. they think i'm bad. they don't get me. i'm alone.
there's no rational reason for this. I just see the negative side of things when i'm tired.
I've been taking a natural calmant sometimes.... makes me feel confy and have confy thoughts as i drift to sleep. Today i think i need a bath in candle light..... wish i could listen to some music too while bathing. *sneeze* life sucks.
i want another job. i like having a shedule. I applyied for a 20 hour/week job answering phones in a support line for domestic violence. that would be pretty nice. it's 4 hours a day and it's not a physical job. i should be fine there. living in a bigger city is nice for getting jobs, there's more options.
I'm planning on moving to Florida by the end of this year, me and ben. we'll get jobs and start a new life. and we'll swim and be in the sun. maybe become vegetarian. that's a long term plan for me. I imagine having a vegetarian familly. we might eat fish though. just not eat mammals. that would be enough.
I want a simple life. I want to cook and do gardening, have fruit trees and pets. I might have a baby, and ben would take care of him. he adores babies. me not so much. but being a mother is one of those things that is just part of being incarnated, one of the big lessons. right? I think it could be wonderful. it could be terrible too. I might risk it.
have u noticed how lots of people never thought of how terrible it can be to have a baby? I know mothers that never had imagined a baby would cry all night long, and get sick so often, or even be born with a terrible sickness of whatever, become an addict, a teenage delinquent.. etc. I'm very aware of all that and not really aware of the good things.
*cough* ugh. hate being sick. bye.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
I've been recovering from a nasty flu.
Tomorrow will be my first day at work officially. I'll be stoping people in the street to talk to them about human rights and asking them to be a supporter. This would be fine in most places, but doing it in lisbon is kind of spooky. People aren't happy. They are poor and have too many problems of their own, kids and husband to feed, and dealing with traffic, that sort of thing. who cares about female genital mutilation and darfur when you have all these things going on. it won't be easy.
I think this will be a big part of my saturn return in the 7th. And a big part of my life in general. My development as a person. I'll need to learn to get up by myself, over and over. What saturn in the 7th has taught me so far has been to find peace inside me after being let down by other people. It made me feel ok by knowing i'm a good person, doing my best, it's ok to not be perfect as long as you are trying your best and not being mean or having bad intentions. But I wonder if i'll be able to do this everyday.
I feel sickish.....
my cooking craze is gone. i'll still cook, because i want to eat. but it's not very joyous lately.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Fun fact about the AI: it actually all started back in 61 when an english journalist wrote about 2 PORTUGUESE students being arrested for toasting to freedom.
fun fact about portugal: we only become a democracy in 1974, 25 of april, after a peaceful revolution. meaning no one was killed during it. It was known as the flower revolution, because a woman put flowers she was carrrying in the guns of the soldiers.
Lots of people are being sentenced to death, or life in prison for decades for speaking their mind. Go to the amnesty internationl site to find out what you can do to help. A simple letter can save lifes. http://www.amnestyusa.org/JoinUs.html
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I beleive the Universe conspires to realize your wishes once you put them out there, so this is me doing exactly that.My perfect job would be 30 hours per week, using my skills in psychology or astrology, or translating, or all of the above and maybe some other skills I might have, maybe computer skills or driving skills! And i'd be payed for it, a fair amount. I'd be happy with that.Thank you Universe, in advance.
Well, I got a job! The coolest thing is they called me and offered it. And guess what, it's 30 hours a week! a fair pay! AND I'll be helping save lifes fund raising and informing about the work of Amnisty International. :) I totally identify with the ideals of the AI, I feel happy and blessed.
Thank you Universe, yet again. :)
I plan to soon post some more info about how you can colaborate with the AI and more info about what they are doing and etc. It's really inspiring and powerful.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Friday, February 08, 2008
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Friday, February 01, 2008
A Randam Fact about me I just remembered: as a kid my grandmother used to crush an aspirine and mix it with sugar so I would take it when I was sick. Didn't taste bad at all.
I'll be away from home for the next 5 days and I'm afraid I'll miss cooking so much I won't be able to sleep. This is what I do lately, I'm in bed planning to cook things the next day and fighting the urge to get up and not sleep at all..... Is there a Cooking Addicts Anonymous ? Maybe I should start one. This as lasted for 3 weeks now.
I've always liked to cook ocasionally, but especially because I wanted to eat something special.
Another Random Fact: I started cooking when I was 7 years old, pancakes.
I made some great oatmeal bread yesterday. I had some fresh baked bread with real azorean butter : Ilha Azul. (translation: blue island) It's made in my island, where all the cows are happy cows.
There's pictures of the cows a couple of posts below by the way.
So, back to the cooking, I think this adiction is very interesting. It's fueled by the fact that people compliment me on it. It makes them happy. And that makes me happy. Cooking itself makes me happy lately, that's the real mistery. I think of the combinations I can make, the improvements, how things would taste if I do it another way... I'm looking for perfection. That's the ultimate goal. Makes me feel more independent, powerful in some weird housewife way.
Lately I had been feeling traumatized with dining out... since meeting my boyfriend 6 months ago I started to eat at restaurants all the time with him, and even though he usually insists in paying all of it I am shocked by how much money one spends, and then the food sometimes is so not worth it. (by the way, I've done some great pizzas at home now, that's so cheap to make an so much better then when u buy them here. I make one with pesto and buffalo mozzarela and cherry tomates, and thyme or basilic, not sure now, it was great) It might have started when I paid 1.10 euro for a Brigadeiro. I can make 50 of those with 1.10 euro. It's a tiny ball made with condensed milk and coccoa. neither of those ingredientes cost more then 70 cents and can make lots of those balls. Also because I have a tiny stomach I usually feel sick eating out because I try to force myself to eat a whole plate, then spend 40 minutes feeling very sick.. maybe all these things amounted to my compulsive cooking.
Anyway, it's not a bad thing at all, just weird.
I'd like to say my computer is packed with trojans lately. And they make my keyboard very slow. It's much better today, maybe all the adawares I installed are working, but it's still not normal. So the lasts posts are full of typos, which I won't correct unless someone asks me too. I think it's readeable like that.
Hope u enjoyed my pictures. Have a great weekend/Carnival!